Chicken Soup: Low on Calories and Full of Flavor

Chicken soup is my go-to meal on days when I realize that my earlier choices were crap and that I'm staring a major overage in the face.  The secret behind chicken soup is the broth which can be extremely flavorful and filling, but has little to no calories (depending on the kind you purchase).  The recipe is also super versatile and can include almost any vegetable you have in the house, noodles or rice, and may or may not even include chicken - depending on your preference.

So staring a major overage (and a  belly ache) in the face, here's what I made last night

soup photo courtesy of Brandi Jordan
http://www.flickr.com/photos/brandijordan/

Homemade Chicken Soup
1/2 Tbsp butter
1/2 cup onion, chopped
1/2 cup celery, chopped
1/2 cup carrot, chopped
4 cups chicken broth
1 Tbsp onion powder
1 Tbsp salt, divided
1 Tbsp garlic powder
1 chicken breast, cleaned

Directions
Melt butter in a stock pot over medium-high heat.  Add onions and celery to pot, sprinkling in 1/2 Tbsp salt.  Cook until onions and celery are soft (approximately 5 minutes), stirring occasionally.  Add carrots, broth, onion powder, remaining salt, and garlic.  Next, add chicken (which can be whole or in bite sized pieces).  Boil the soup for 30 minutes and check the chicken to see if it easily breaks apart or pieces easily flake off (this means it's ready to shred).

In another pot, start your noodles or rice if you want either.  While this pot is cooking, if you used the whole chicken in the soup, take it out on a plate and use two forks to shred the breast.  After the chicken is shredded, add it back into the soup.  When the noodles or rice is complete, measure out your desired calorie amount and place it in the bottom of your bowl, then, use the ladle as your measuring agent for soup and add as many as you desire.  In the end, you can determine the amount of ladle-fulls possible in the soup and then divide the total calories by the number of ladles to determine the calories per label.

If you need help on how to shred chicken, here's a tutorial: http://youtu.be/HR3Xyhxdj5E?t=4m15s

Here's how we broke down our calories last night.

Noodles: 180 calories for 1.5 cups noodles (which is a LOT of noodles - I only needed 3/4 cup to get a good soup/noodle balance)

Soup: Total calories in soup = 384.  Divided by number of ladle-fulls (10) = 38.4 calories each.

To get a filling serving, I used 3/4 cup noodles with 3 ladles of soup = 205.2 calories for a serving of soup!!

Obviously, if you used less butter or just cooking spray, you could cut out a significant portion of the calories, or if you used less chicken or no chicken.  But for hardly any money and only a tiny hit on my daily calories, I made a filling dinner for three!!  Next time you know you need to eat, but don't want to eat something heavy or fatty - try this simple and convenient dinner!

What's your low-calorie go-to?

Everything's a Competition

A lot of people in life like to throw around the phrase "it's not a competition", and while I understand the impulse to reassure those who so clearly might not win, in my opinion, if something isn't a competition - it should be.  I LOVE games!!  I am so much more motivated to do something if I know I'm competing against others (or myself - high score much?).  Maybe I'm a product of the gamification generation, but turn it into a game and even the worst chore becomes fun.

So in that vein, my fitness group and I are undergoing a 'friendly' competition to win a $15 gift certificate to a store of our choice and mad bragging rights.  The competition involves maintaining a food/exercise diary, trying at least one new fruit/veggie, trying a new fitness activity , and making a top 10 workout songlist.

I know what you're thinking. Amanda, that sounds pretty easy, where's the competition in that? Well it would be easy, if being fit were already a part of our lifestyles.  If Thanksgiving wasn't just around the corner. If I didn't just have two teeth removed.  But changing your life - I mean really changing it in spite of all of the other stuff that comes up and makes you want to revert to old patterns and hold tight to your meat and potatoes diet until death do you part like the dysfucntional lovers you are - is hands down the hardest thing you will ever do.  [NOTE: having never been married or had children I'm not sure how qualified I am to make that statment, but meh.]

So we're trying, and who knows if any of us will make it, but I know one thing for sure - I will enjoy the ride as much as I possibly can.  Because otherwise, what's the point?


Top 10 workout songs

1. Starts With Me - Tim Timmons

2. This is the New Year - A Great Big World

3. Numb - Usher

4. Applause - Lady Gaga

5. Fist Pump Jump Jump  - Ying Yang Twins feat. Greg Tecoz

6. Remember the Name - Fort Minor

7. All Night - Icona Pop

8. Indestructible - Robyn

9. My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark - Fall Out Boy

10. Feelin' Alright - Joe Cocker

A Thousand Miles

There is an ancient Chinese saying found in the Tao Te Ching, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".  Over the years, this has become somewhat of a mantra of mine as I find myself stopping and starting, stopping, and then years later starting again.  When I feel the most like a failure, I try and take the opportunity to ask myself some careful questions, Why was this unsuccessful? What could I have done differently? Who was I really doing it for?  And let me tell you, that last one is a doozy.

The truth is, we do a lot of things in our lives because we think we 'should', or because we think they'll make other people happy.  The flip side of that coin is that we often give up on the things that are important to us because we don't have time or because we're not willing to sacrifice someone else's happiness for our own. Which inevitably leads to conflict and failure.  Or at least that happens in my life a lot.

Which leads me to two months ago.

As an overweight woman, I've dealt with my fair share of issues.  Self confidence issues from a culture that says fat = ugly, space issues because everywhere I go I'm too large to be comfortable and always feel out of place, and emotional issues because food is how I connect with people, but it's also how I hide myself.  In August, I had my first major health issue related to weight - and it was a huge wake-up call.  I injured my knee badly trying to get in and out of the backseat of a 2-door coupe, and it continued to hurt weeks later.  I looked up knee injuries online (because insurance isn't really a thing I have right now) and found out that it's most likely the combined result of moving my body in the wrong way, and a long-term issue because of my excessive weight.  Aside from weight loss, the only major treatment for this condition is surgery...at only 31.

Don't get me wrong, I try really hard not to buy into the whole thin is beautiful bull that the magazines and tv shows sell us.  I spent my life trying to make good choices but refusing to let my size dictate the rest of my life.  I didn't want to become like my mom, aunts, and grandmother - generations of women obsessed with calories and exercise, yo-yo-ing between extremes and hating themselves for every minute of it.  I also fill with rage every time I visit a doctor's office and instead of offering a helpful solution for my cold or UTI, the doctor focuses on my weight as though it defines my ability to be healthy.  Screw everyone who thinks they know anything about me based on my size.  I am a product of our culture and I refuse to apologize for a lifetime of indoctrination that puts someone with my metabolism and medical history at a serious disadvantage.

But my body was telling me that something needed to change.  It wasn't about advertisements or clothes in the mall.  It wasn't movie theater seats that never fit or amusement park rides not made for me.  It wasn't even the way people looked at me when I walked in the store or a restaurant - like I should be ashamed of myself and hide in my home rather than show my ugly fat ass in public.  It was about me.  And that day, with the fear of permanent damage to my knees and the knowledge that this wasn't going to be easy but that it was necessary, I started my journey.  Who knows, maybe this time I won't give up.

Back in a (not so) Big Way

As evidenced by my previous posts, it should come as no surprise to you guys when I announce that I unabashedly love food. And despite my long posting hiatus, it should also not be surprising that I have continued to love food very publicly other places online in the past few years :). But, after all this time, what should truly be of note to you, dear reader, is that I am finally getting paid for it!!

Recently I got a new job as the Content Coordinator and Social Media Manager for an online blog: ithinkicanfitness.com. I love my job, I love my boss(es), and most of all, I love that I got to write a blog post about some gorgeous and delicious food posts from other bloggers...and I got paid for it!!

So check out my post Ten Best Healthy Eating Blogs and give me a shout out!

An Apology

Dear Readers,

I owe you an apology.  

It seems that in my zeal to share with you the bounty of beautiful images I find on the Internet, I mistakenly committed one of the most common and insidious errors of a new blogger: failure to attribute material to the original source.  Not realizing that just because I could copy and paste an image into my post and make it beautiful didn't mean I should do something like that, I did it over and over again - and eventually I was called to task by my readers.  Had I saved any information about where I originally retrieved these pictures, it would be no great effort to simply add tags to each photo and give credit where credit is due.  Unfortunately, I did not keep records of the origins of the images (mostly I really did just copy and paste) and therefore am unable to fairly rectify the situation.  So to you, dear readers, I offer an apology and a compromise.  Starting today, all pictures that are not mine will be labeled as such, and if you recognize the location of a given picture, please let me know and I will adjust the caption accordingly.  Please know that I was not intentionally misrepresenting myself and meant no ill will towards those whose images I 'borrowed'.  It was a stupid mistake made by a green blogger and one that has humbled me tremendously.  

Thank you so much for allowing me to share my life with you and in turn, sharing yours with me.

Amanda

And Now....Guest Bloggers!

Although most people wait until their blog is famous to ask other people to join in the fun and gain notoriety, however, I am lazy, and would willingly allow just about anyone to post on my blog as long as the material was somewhat relevant and my general guilt at my complete posting inadequacy was assuaged for a while. That being said, I am going to be featuring two guest blogs in the coming week. Each are very different in tune and style, but each deal firmly with the matter at hand: the consumption and criticism of food. Our first guest blog comes from 'Cultural Laureate, Cecilia' from Stars, the Moon, and Missing You. So sit back, relax, and open wide :).

Restaurant Review: Ichiban

As previously mentioned, this is a guest blog written by Cecilia of Stars, the Moon and Missing You. Thank you Cecy for your thoughtful and delicious contribution!!
_______________________________________________

Highlights: Yum Yum Sauce, Lunchtime prices (even on Saturday!)

Lowlights: Playing seal

Price: depending on time of day: lunch (11), dinner (20)

The first time I ever went to Ichiban, it started with a number of missed phone calls. I had been reprimanded openly at work for something I had done months prior was communicated about at the time. I was furious and drove a co-worker to their home while considering my options.

"I'm going to quit." I demanded in the car. My co-worker only looked at me and then looked ahead, waiting anxiously to finally be dropped off. As I drove from the home, I checked my messages and found that my sisters were waiting for my at a restaurant that had recently opened, a local hibachi grill very close to where I was.

I pulled in very soon and walked in, finding our group of eaters surrounding one of the eight grills, waiting for the cook to come. I sat and received a delicious salad with a mayonnaise sauce, a theme followed throughout the meal. The hibachi chef arrived and made the meal into an altogether experience with lay and some involvement of the spectators. My least favorite of the events was when we were meant to play seal, and catch vegetables with our mouth. The best part overall of that experience I could not define- perhaps it was the spectacle of our meal, perhaps it was the mayonnaise that accompanied our shrimp (yum yum sauce), perhaps it was just being around the people I love on an extraordinarily difficult day.

very low-res picture of steak hibachi - we could really use a better flash :(

I have been back countless times, for lunch mostly, on bad days, rainy days, and even my birthday. I have had a range of experiences, none altogether disappointing, and would recommend to anyone to try out their lunch and DEFINITELY try the yum yum sauce (seafood sauce).

Actual level of excitement re:yum yum sauce

Even If It's Just A Smile

Poverty stinks - that's the long and short of it. Millions of people world wide go to bed hungry (if they even have a bed at all) and they struggle to meet even their most basic survival needs. The majority of the world's wealth is held in the hands of the minority and that isn't fair. I don't believe that anyone should have to beg for food or shelter, and all people should be given equal opportunities to thrive. That being said, it's difficult for me as one person to feel as though I can make a difference in any quantifiable, sustainable way. Often, I find the issue overwhelming - I know that it's out there and I know that it's terrible, but I feel ill-equipped to make a change and therefore am crippled by my own sense of helplessness.

I combat this incessant negativity by doing something...anything. I realize that just like the saying "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" so too does the journey to end poverty. I cannot erase poverty, and I cannot make the world fair, but I can make life different for just one person today...and so I try to do just that.

When I can afford it (as a social worker that isn't as often as I'd like, but meh) I buy an extra $5-$10 worth of groceries at the store and donate them to the local food bank. Furthermore, I make a point to research the policies of the companies that I do business with to ensure that I am supporting economically just businesses. And I also donate my time to various agencies in the community aimed at ending poverty and improving the quality of life for all. More than anything, however, I honor my own contributions - however small they may be. My contributions don't have to be your contributions, as long as we all do what we can.

Don't get caught up in the trap that leads you to believe that incremental change isn't worthwhile, because that just isn't true. All change is meaningful, and any change makes a difference to those who need it most. So get out there (or stay in there) and do what's within your power. Use your own skills and passions and make a change for someone else.

Remember: each day is a new day and a new opportunity to help someone.

What will you do today?

A Pledge to Myself

I pledge to myself to take better care of me. I deserve at least an equal amount of time and energy that I’m willing to give to others, and by taking better care, I will ultimately have more to give.

I pledge to myself to become healthier. Although I have no desire to diet *shudder*, I am at least semi-conscious of the fact that when I eat better, I feel better – and there is nothing wrong with that.

I pledge to myself to be supportive when and if I can. This means no late night sabotage - rummaging through candy drawers to get that fix, and maybe even *gasp* suggesting that we go for a walk once in a while…or more likely suggesting a Wii sports tennis match!

Finally (and most importantly),

I pledge to myself to “keep it real”. I am who I am, and I need to learn to be okay with that. Everyone might not love my particular stripes, and that’s okay, but some people do, and I should too!

Here’s hoping that by sharing my pledge with all of you, I will do my best to honor these words. I know that with willful and intentional living, I will be a better person, friend, and (someday) mother.

My Very First Internet Meme

There is nothing I loathe more than being inundated with hundreds of surveys featuring how daring, how sexually mature, or how musically snobbish my "friends" on various social networking sites are. I have absolutely no interest in comparing my sex life, drug history, or any other weird fetishes with these "friends" and can rarely read past the first few lines without completely losing interest. That's why this post proves several important things that are critical to your understanding of me. First, I am fickle – today's greatest thing could be tomorrow's lamest and I'm not afraid to admit that I rarely stay attached to likes/dislikes for long (it's just takes too much energy on my part). Second, I am (kind of) a hypocrite. Despite the fact that I would handily berate any associate for daring to make a post of "have-you-evers", I clearly am willing to commit the same atrocity on the same level, yet somehow expect a completely different result. Finally (and most importantly), you can combine food with virtually ANYTHING and I will embrace it. I bet, if they gave free samples at the Secretary of State – I would line up two or three times a week. If you told me that I had to listen to babies cry for twenty hours straight but afterwards I could have a free pizza – I would so do it. That's pathetic, and I am poignantly aware of my sad, sad standards.

Ahem.

That being said, here is my first attempt to participate in an Internet meme (or random chain floating from blog to blog). I found this list linked to a Slashfood post and decided to read it. Because I hadn't hear of many of these items and wanted to try a lot of them, I figured I would let my readers know where I stand on issues of culinary delicacies. Please note that bolded items are items I've already tried and crossed out items are things I would never consider trying.

Some quick observations: my bolding clearly tells a lot about me – I am a Midwesterner (venison, hare, roadkill [long story]), I am a fast food junkie (big mac, kripsy kreme), and I am a lightweight gourmet (calamari, eel, frog's legs).

The VGT Omnivore's Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwhich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat's milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S'mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs' legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Now tell me, which of these have you eaten and loved or hated, what's missing from this list, and in the name of all that's holy...

Where are the TACOS??

In all the world there is none so beloved as the one they called "Bacon"

Rather than slather on apology after apology that I haven't posted in FOREVER (over two months!) I felt like I should share with you my loyal readers one of my favorite things in the whole world - Bacon!!

Perhaps the most used meat in my household (much to the bane of my cardiovascular system I'm sure), Bacon provides a versatile alternative to more expensive meats that I would normally use in Pastas, Soups, or on Sandwiches. The plus side is, I save money and eat more bacon. The bad side is - wait, is there a bad side??? My fervent love of Bacon aside, I thought I would share with you some of the more inspired ways I have used Bacon in my cooking to enhance the flavor and/or texture of my meal.

(Photo not taken by me)

I have only made Bacon Wrapped Asparagus once, but it was TOTALLY AMAZING!! I never thought Bacon could so completely enhance the flavor of something and really bring it to a new level! The night Cecy and I made this, it was practically all we could eat for dinner! Being a bacon lover, my ratio of asparagus to bacon was 1:1, however the recipe calls for 4:1 - but whatever makes your heart sing :).

(Photo not taken by me)

Fried Rice, on the other hand, is a staple in my home. This is our typical fallback meal when no one wants to go to a great length for cooking, but we still want to eat something satisfying and savory. In our household, fried rice can be most of the different things you have in your fridge, but some ingredients are key: rice (obviously), eggs, bacon, and sweet onions (fried in Bacon grease). We often have this most basic of all fried rices, however, it's nice to add green onions, carrots, water chestnuts, and those adorable baby carrots if you have them on hand. Fried rice is a very faux-Chinese dish because it's mostly comprised of very American things (like bacon). The only thing even remotely Chinese about this dish is the soy sauce you add on top and the rice. But mmmm....bacon....














(Photo not taken by me)

Now I will be the very first to admit that this is an acquired taste - not everyone warms to chocolate covered bacon right away. But if you give it some thought (and a thoughtful taste) you may be surprised how right it is! The bitterness of the chocolate and the saltiness of the bacon play off one another with daring subtlety, creating a taste sensation so individual and unique that- love or hate it - you can't possibly mistake it for any other. Please note that successful execution of the chocolate covered bacon requires both quality chocolate and quality bacon. If either the saltiness of the bacon or the sweetness of the chocolate are allowed to overpower the overall taste, it will be ruined. Alas, this means that (as with most culinary adventures) chocolate covered bacon is something usually best left to the experts unless you are feeling particularly adventurous or have a particularly strong stomach :).

Finally, I would like to give Kudos to comedian Jim Gaffigan who inspired this post by his monologue on Bacon from the Late Show with David Letterman embedded below. After watching this clip I realized that if he can go on national television and profess his undying love for bacon, I can certainly do the same...on the Internet...on my blog...which no one reads :).

Regardless, enjoy the clip!!

Homesickness

I received my first slow cooker at seventeen. I had just graduated from High school and was headed to college and apparently some relative of mine had the ill-conceived notion that college freshman do a lot of home cooking inside of their shoe-box sized homes. Needless to say, when I got the gift I was less than enthusiastic. I even vaguely remember being as ungrateful as to wonder aloud about the motives of the gift giver and his/her anticipation of a free meal. Karma, as they say, is a bitch – and it turned out that only a few short months later, at college I would come to realize how truly awful dorm food was and how much I missed the home cooked meals my father used to make me. In a fit of homesickness and boredom late one Sunday morning, I decided to try my hand at my first major meal: Roast. I convinced a friend to drive me to the closest Meijer where I picked up random ingredients that I vaguely remembered were part of my all-time favorite meal growing up. I had no plan, I had no recipe, and I had no experience. Just an empty stomach and the determination to eat something that made me feel comforted and safe again.

Trials and tribulations abound that afternoon, I attempted to brown the roast in the slow cooker pan on someone else’s Bunsen burner, I spent half an hour desperately searching for a masher for the potatoes and finally settled on a pencil jar, and I ended up trolling the dorm hall for supplies after I realized I had nothing to serve my feast in nor did I have any utensils; but it was all worth it when I came back to my dorm that afternoon and realized I could smell my dinner. It was the smell of celebration, the savory smell of victory.

Although I can’t remember what that roast tasted like, I do remember serving it to all of my friends and each of us sitting around my bed, listening to music, and I can remember how the whole room got silent right as we started to eat. As I looked around the bedspread at my newest and dearest friends, I saw more than one eye tearing up in the room. Finally, one of my friends uttered in a quiet voice what all of us were thinking, “it tastes like home".

(Photo not taken by me)

Hello New Readers!!

I just wanted to give all of my new readers a shoutout! Thanks for stopping by and leaving comments - it's great to know other people love eating (and looking at) food just as much as I do! Keep the comments coming!!

(Photo not taken by me)

I'm not dead!

Sorry for the complete lack of posts lately. I've been pretty busy celebrating my birthday and getting summer off to a dramatic start! Coming soon will be posts from my first annual birthday Taco Crawl and a homage to the best 'device' in my kitchen - the slow cooker :). For now, I'll leave you with some photos I grabbed off Flickr. I'm looking for inspiration to design my kitchen in my new apartment and these seem perfect! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

(Photo not taken by me)

(Photo not taken by me)

(Photo not taken by me)

(Photo not taken by me)

Next Generation Restaurateurs

I have lost countless hours of my life to this repetitive and mind numbing game yet I still can't seem to put my mouse away. I'll share my latest obsession (okay maybe addiction) with you in the hopes that you'll get hooked on it too and maybe we can start some kind of support group.

Oh, and I highly reccomend the "Relax Mode" - wouldn't it be nice if I could do my real job as slow as possible without risk that the customers could leave? Call it a little passive-agressive roleplaying :).

May is National Burger Month!

There is nothing in the world that can make my mouth water quite like the smell of a thick, juicy, quarter-pound burger piled high with cheese, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, ketcup, and mayonaise. I've tried for over a week to write this post and nothing would come together. I had found all these beautiful photos of hamburgers and cheseburgers but no words with which I could express my admiration of, obsession with, and frankly worship of this masterful piece of meat. Finally I realized that hamburgers didn't need me to talk for them. That if I posted them here in all of their succulent, savory, tender glory - they would say more for themselves than I ever could. So feast your eyes on this:

(Photo not taken by me)

(Photo not taken by me)

(Photo not taken by me)

(Photo not taken by me)

It's Crazy McDelicious

Today I read a really interesting post over at Grocery Eats blog. I found his post both awe inspiring and gut wrenching. On the one hand, I can almost imagine the meaty awesomeness that is this burger in all it's glory. On the other, I can feel my stomach churning at the thought of putting this steamy heap of garbage inside. If I was having such a strong and visceral reacation to this post, I couldn't even begin to imagine what other people thought, so I purveyed the comments. There were your usual "you're a terrible person for eating this" and "woah dude - awesome", but within the comments I found a particular gem that cracked me up so much, I just had to create an homage to this wonderful sandwhich and hillarious comment. Here's to you Angie :).

The Nostalgia of Food

For me, food is in large part nostalgic. A taste of a juicy quarter pound hamburger instantly transports me to summers outside, dad on the grill, playing with my sisters while waiting for dinner. Ice cream reminds me of summer softball games and home runs. And steamy chili evokes memories of chilly winter afternoons snuggled up in front of the television with my family, watching game after game. With each dish comes a new memory; with each meal I try harder to re-live the past.

The true irony is that I am nostalgic for a past that didn’t exist. Yes, we ate chili, ice cream, and hamburgers. Yes, we grilled, played softball, and watched t.v. together. But those memories are laced with an air of togetherness that we never had when I was a child. My family was a confederation of independent states – not a cohesive nation. When we ate together (usually in front of the television) it was some of the only time we spent together as a group, but our isolation never ebbed. I spent so much of my life yearning for togetherness and fighting for independence. Meals were a truce, a time when everyone put down their arms and came together to eat because we needed sustenance to keep the battle going. Eventually, after mom left, meals became hollow and empty – a time for ‘catch-up’ and were the only time we communicated for days on end.

For a long time I looked back on my life and was proud of our confederation, I honored the isolation. Now, however, I can see the loneliness that was in my heart all along. I feel it every time I make tacos, cookies, or bologna soup. I feel it in the fabricated memories and the false sense of togetherness. I feel it in the realization that what I remember didn’t really happen, and that what happened wasn’t really worth remembering. And I feel it in the empty longing that I still have to connect with others despite my stubborn pretense of independence. Now, I know the truth – and it haunts me.

But it also propels me forward. Years later, my family and I still bond over food. It is impossible for us to spend more than two hours together without consuming food of some sort and most of our get-togethers revolve around a shared meal. We have moved forward with our lives and are now in a place where we can share joy, love, pain, and dinner with each other. Each meal is an opportunity to create a new experience, a new memory – and damn it all if we don’t strive for just that! I do not mourn my childhood, I celebrate my awareness of how precious each moment - every morsel, every crumb, and every sip really is in helping me to make new associations and renew my love of food.

Nostalgia is a combination of the way things were and the way we wanted things to be. It’s a fondness for the past that can never quite meet the expectations of today’s experience. Although I will never be able to disconnect my consumption from my memories of the past, I hope that with each preparation those associations loosen and become less binding. That gradually, instead of acting as a portrait of what the eating experience should be, the memories season my food and become a flavor like any other that merely colors my meal and sets the stage for my epicurean encounter.

To honoring the past, shaping a better future, and embracing every opportunity to make new memories today.

Taco Town

So Full of Want - Taco Edition

Sometimes I browse sites online and I become overwhelmed with what I call "want" - the irresitable desire to own something that I have no practical use for and probably no place to store, but need to have all the same.

This shirt, for example, is absolutely adorable.

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/taco/-/pv_design_prod/p_2299678.128208978/pNo_128208978/id_19136530/fpt_/opt_/c_666/pg_2 \

Or what about these taco shell bakers? They're non-stick!

http://www.cooking.com/products/shprodde.asp?SKU=105335&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fshopping%2Eyahoo%2Ecom%2Fp%3Achicago%2520metallic%2520gourmetware%2520nonstick%2520large%2520tortilla%252ftaco%2520shell%2520pans%252c%2520set%2520of%25202%3A2001295552%3B%5Fylt%3Davqvxcnnfjxgtv%5Fv8xlnstgbft0a%3B%5Fylu%3Dx3odmtbic2hxmgnhbgx0azqec2vja3ny%3Fmid%3D1026465

Or this plastic serrated chef's knife (safe for all non-stick surfaces) that would be stylish and functional!

http://www.organizeit-online.com/lettuce-knife-p-725.html?m1track=yahoo&language=en